The Journey pt. 1

I thought university would leave me feeling like there was a big profound change in my life. I thought on move in day my parents would cry and tell me how much they’re going to miss me. I thought they would call me every day and check up on me. When I skyped them, I expected tears as well.

But none of this happened. My parents left, sad, but not hysterical. Instead of going on and on about how they were going to miss me they told me how proud they were and how they knew I was going to do well here. They text me now and again to see what I’m up to. And there are definitely no tears on Skype.

On that first day I simply set up my new room and started my new life.

I suppose I’m sitting here at 4:26am writing this because I’m worried about my cognitive science midterm this Friday. I also had an energy drink and a tea at 9:00pm, but Patti doesn’t need to know that. I thought it would be helpful for me to reflect on my journey so far here at Queen’s in order to calm my nerves and hopefully get some precious sleep.

On my first day there was so much going through my mind. When my parents left, I felt absolutely alone – it was so terrifying but so great at the same time! I was finally moving out. There is no one here to tell me to clean my room or to eat healthy or to do my homework (although I do all three regularly). We had a floor meeting where we got to know the people we would be living with for the next 8 months. You always try to pick out who you think your friends are going to be. And to be honest, I was right about my choices. Because I love everyone on my floor. Granted I am not best friends with everyone, each person adds a certain dynamic that just could not be recreated with any other group of people.

We do so much as a floor. We have floor dinners every week. There have been water fights, nerf gun fights and prank wars. There’s nothing I love more than heading down to the pier and jumping in with all my friends – although it’s getting a little chilly now! We also participated in the Leonard-Gord-Brock soccer tournament… and WON! We had one of the biggest teams and not to mention the biggest cheering section. It was a great bonding experience and just showed how much we all support each other. Next event we plan to conquer – the Leonard Bowl tournament! Got our t-shirts ready and everything.

I could have never even imagined how absolutely amazing my first six weeks would turn out to be here at school.

Frosh week was… interesting. Surprisingly not as crazy as I had expected. I did have to go to the hospital, not for the reason you would think. I got stung by a bee… on my tongue. There’s pictures and everything. It was quite the ordeal. I got to meet some new people. A couple of the girls from my frosh group are in some of my classes and we talk often. I also won a $600 teeth whitening package from the dentist office downtown! Turns out it was absolutely painful and didn’t actually get my teeth that white, but a good story none the less. We got to learn an awesome, and very confusing, dance to ‘Animal’ by Neon Trees. I don’t think there could have been a more appropriate song to make me feel more at home. Whenever I hear the song I always think of Bonnaroo and what an awesome time I had with my friends Taylor, Jonathan and Jess. The song really helped me tie in my life back home with my new life here at Queen’s.

Having Will through this whole process made my life so much better. From the time I applied to university right up until move in day, he had been there for me. So it was a little intimidating conquering frosh week without him there. Of course I dominated, with only some minor incidences (refer to bee sting story) and managed to impress everyone with my extensive knowledge of the Oil Thigh.

We went to our first football game together last weekend. It was against Western! And of course we kicked their ass. It was a really great afternoon. We cuddled, I got overly aggressive and drunk as usual, and we had nachos back at his place with his roommate Sam and his girlfriend Erica. It was nice to hang out with another couple for a change. They don’t boo you when you hold hands or peck each other onthe cheek. Which I guess leads nicely into my next topic – my friends J

Erica, Jenna, and Nicole are my closest friends here. We do everything together. We laugh, we cry, we casually watch wedding videos and drink bottles of wine together. It is so nice to have friends who will drop whatever they're doing and be by your side. Erica is always there, Jenna can always make you laugh and Nicole always has good advice. I feel very blessed to have connected with these girls so quickly. They are part of the reason I feel like I belong here.

Stefan (the greatest guy onour floor), Erica and I are bar buddies. We’re the only oneson the floor who are 19, so we always go out together and have a few casual mini pitchers together at the Brass. One of my favourite memories is just lying on a lawn at 3am, looking up at the sky, holding Stefan and Erica’s hands, dying of laughter and just being so absolutely filled with bliss. The only thing I could think at that moment was that I belong here. On that lawn, with those people and here at Queen’s.

There have just been so many moments that made me stop and think that this school was absolutely the right choice for me.

Classes have been going great. I was quite nervous coming into university, everyone tells you how hard it is going to be and what a huge adjustment is it. I feel as though my victory lap really helped prepare me for this year. I had the chance to really talk to my teachers and I learned more about how to be a successful student in that one semester than in my entire high school career. So far, I have been doing quite well in all my classes and seem to absorb most content easily as well. Queen’s is not this big, scary, heartless institution that everyone makes universities seem like. There are so many resources if you need help, I rarely feel stuck or like I’m ‘just a number’. One thing my parents always taught me is that life is all about the relationships you make. So I’ve been talking to everyone – my professors, my TAs, other students, even the staff around campus. Building these relationships has made my experience so far that much more enjoyable.

I am hoping to get more involved in the winter semester now that I have my schedule and work load figured out. There is so much to get involved with! Looking at all the clubs and teams during frosh week was a little overwhelming but now I know I want to get as involved as possible and try some new things. I was hired at a student store called Tricolour. It is located on campus and sells clothing, books and travel tickets. It is completely student run – which is another thing I really love about Queen’s. I had my training on Sunday and my first shift is tomorrow! Everyone seems extremely friendly and eager to answer any questions. So hopefully all goes well. It is always stressful starting a new job. But I am so exciting to have this opportunity and plan on making the most of it.

My first six weeks at Queen’s have been unreal. There is just too much to put into one revised blog. I always thought I would have this insightful moment, standing in my room or looking up University Ave., where I finally realized that this is the next big step in my life, where I would have a hard time taking it all in. But it never happened, Queen’s has been my home since the first day I arrived and I haven't looked back.

Invictus

The other day in Religion class we watched a movie called "Invictus". I'm sure many of you have heard of it/seen it. Either way it's a movie about Nelson Mandela and how amazing he is, oh and rugby. There is a poem that is read during the movie also entitled "Invictus" (invictus is Latin for unconquered or undefeated, who knew?), it's written by William Earnest Henley. The last two lines really stuck with me the first time I watched it in theatres and they had the same effect on me when I heard them again, just last week. They are:

I am the master of my fate.
I am the captain of my soul.

I thought these words were important to share with everyone at this point in time. Many of us are making incredible decisions this year. We are no longer allowed to be comforted by the fact that we know where we are going and that as long as you do your homework, everything will be okay. We are moving on, not just to the next grade, but out into the world. Some of us to university, some back to high school and some into the work force. Either way I truly hope everyone made these decisions for themselves and were not influenced by outside sources. We truly are the masters of our fate, not our parents, not our friends, and not our significant others. Of course people will always try and tell you they know what's best for you but only you know you. The things you want in life may not always be easy to achieve, but they would not be your greatest accomplishments if you did not have to work for them.

I have never been one to take the easy way out in life and I couldn't be happier with my decisions. It's always scary going to a new school or running for school president or trying out for a musical, but these things shape who you are. You need to go for what you want in life and live with no regrets. Every decision you make should be one that will help you in life, and if you screw up, which we all do, well, there's the saying "never a failure, always a lesson".

When it comes to university and collage and all that good stuff - the same approach should be taken. For me, it is important to be in charge of where I go and what I do. Doctors and lawyers are not the only successful people in the world! Outside factors in your life may think they know what's best, because they're older or wiser and so on and so forth, but they are not the ones who are going to be living your life! I'm so proud to be the child of my parents (even though I complain... a lot), they have always given me the freedom to grow into the person I want to be and have always supported me in my dreams. My mom always tells me that if you love what you do, you will be successful.

So I know how cheesy and unrealistic this sounds, but it's true. Success can be measured in many different ways, according to many different people. There are some people who are truly content doing what they love and living modestly. But there are also people who don't want to live modestly and want all of those commercial luxuries in life. If you were to think of someone doing what they love and calling it success, you would most likely visualize a modestly living person, but that's not the case. How I interpret my mothers wise words are, if you love what you do, you will find a way to make it work for you. A person could put the same amount of time and effort into learning how to run a business as they would into becoming a doctor and potentially start an incredibly popular business selling vintage bottle caps. Everyone who is famous or rich or an incredible role model you have, started somewhere and I'm sure did not have an easy time getting where they are. Of course I'm not bashing doctors or lawyers, I'm simply stating that they're not the only way to become successful. So choose what you want, be the person who you've always wanted to be.

I know many people who are staying back or going out into the work force who are a little ashamed of telling people they aren't going to university or collage right away, but who says we have to?! So many people have learned the hard way that maybe they weren't ready to go away just quite yet or they didn't know what they wanted to do or they just wanted to take some time off! Society can not tell you what is right and what is wrong. Next year I am returning back to my high school for another semester and I know it is the right decision for me. I know that I am not sure of my career path yet and that I want to travel and work before I go to university. Everyone who made the decision not to go to collage or university next year has a reason!

For everyone who is unsure, or scared about next year, the reality is so is everyone else. As long as you made the right decisions for you, and you alone, there should be no reason why you won't be successful next year and throughout your life.

I am the master of my fate.
I am the captain of my soul.

Her dreams were seen all over the world

After a long day of laughing, a small girl climbed into satellite dish to take a nap.Her dreams were seen all over the world. They were fearless and inspiring. Her mother turned on the television and saw her face, it was stunning and glowing - her daughter was dreaming of her. The mother had never seen this radiant face when she looked in the mirror. A young man was taking a break from his three hour lab preparation - wondering if this was all worth it. He turned on the television and saw a little girl dressed in a lab coat tending to an elderly woman. He was reminded of himself as a child, dreaming of the day he would walk around in a lab coat of his own. How often we forget how the world looks to children - beautiful, endless, full of possibilities. How often we forget how much we inspire children and how much they inspire us.

This past March break I was lucky enough to work as a staff for march break camps at my work. We are a different kind of camp because we service children of all needs and abilities. Although the work can be extremely challenging some days, I would not want to work anywhere else. People always tell me how good and patient I must be for working with children who have special needs and how much I must teach them by being with them so much. I do hope I teach them something during my time with them, but in all actuality they teach me so much more and inspire me to see life through their eyes - an adventure.

I worked periodically throughout the week with a child who is a non-verbal child who has fragile X. He loved when I read to him and would grab my face if, god forbid, I stopped. Instead, we worked out the sign language for "read more". It was one of those moments in your life that really effect you, that make you feel like you really can do anything. When I saw him use the sign language with another staff who was reading to him, my heart almost burst into 1000 pieces. It just goes along with my whole "changing the world, one person at a time" thing. These kids always remind me if I'm having a bad day just how much I am capable of doing and that I can change the world.

I was also reminded how fearless children are in their endeavours to conquer the world. They know what they want and are brutally honest about it. At the same time I envy their ability to get lost in a make-believe world they can create in less than 30 seconds and stay suspended there for a ridiculously long amount of time.

How often we forget that we were kids once. We should really follow in their footsteps for many reasons. They can be incredibly upset one moment and completely leave their previous worries behind and move on to being happy again - while most of us have lost our ability to let anything go and let it weight us down constantly in our lives. Also, kids believe in themselves more than anyone in the world. They dream about their future and idolize the adults in their life. A child can change what they want to be every day but say that it is their passion with the same conviction over and over. Everyone should feel the same drive and passion children have for their dreams.

So let children's sincere intentions and actions touch your heart and be inspired, not frustrated!

The Basics

Getting up this morning was absolutely dreadful. I haven't been sleeping lately and of course the consequence of lack of sleep is exhaustion. On top of being exhausted, having religion first doesn't help motivate me to hop out of bed and yell good morning world!! I've been in my classes for about a month now. For the first couple weeks my religion teacher thought I was a genius. But then some "poor decisions" were made and all of a sudden my friends and I are bad people. I'm sorry but being a religion teacher, isn't it a bright idea to teach your students, be ethically sound and forgive us?! All we did was make a group with more than 5 people, relax. Needless to say, you can tell when a teacher loses my respect because my attendance seriously declines. In the words of this particular teacher it's a good thing I'm an independent learner or I would be in trouble.

My writers craft teacher on the other hand I don't I think will ever lose respect for. I already knew he was annoying. The man can talk for an hour and fifteen minutes about nothing!! In his own way though he's a genius and very encouraging when he reads something he thinks is brilliant. Today we had a writer come into our class, who is going to be with us every Friday. I haven't gathered my impression of her yet, seems cool enough. We did a "free fall writing" activity with her. It is where you just write for a period of time with no reservations, no editing in your head, which we so often do. To add some structure she added the title, "Inside the Fridge". This is what I came up with:

Almost as cold as the winter wind that screams across my face.
Like looking aimlessly a million times for something that isn't there.
Love can be empty and in stock less often than milk.
It can hide behind jars of sweet, sticky jam.

Hopefully you find it, especially after a long day.
If possible share it, after it was warmed up.
Because warm it has a completely different taste,
Kind but not artificially sweet,
Hopeful but not ripe.

Inside the fridge you look for satisfaction.

So yeah. That's where I got in my ten minutes. Poetry is something I've always wanted to be good at so hopefully having this class will help me develop all my crazy ideas into something beautiful.

The rest of the day went by quickly, thank goodness. It was soooo nice out today. The sun makes me dream of the summer and everything it means this year. Graduation, working at my favourite place in the world (hopefully), and all of the basic things summer brings. It is like the epitome of freedom and I love it.

I would have to say Thursdays are one of my favourite days. After a long day of school it's just great to go to my dance studio and be around people I love. Dance is probably the biggest inspiration in my life. This is my 5th year dancing at my studio and my first year on the senior competitive team. I never realized I could love something so much. Watching all the seniors before me, I worked so hard to be part of this team, they were so amazing. But being on it is a whole different experience. Our dances this year are incredible. I don't get tired of doing them, ever. Overall my favourite part of dancing is our improv sessions. Our coach puts on a song and we just dance. It's the most crazy, exposing, intimate experience. You are exposing everything you feel, but at the same time being so inside your head and your emotions that it's such a personal thing. At first it was a truly terrifying thing. Not having a strong dance vocabulary and being super self conscious makes dancing in front of people hard. But watching other people and taking class all year has really helped me start to develop my own style. I'm still no where near where I want to be, but everything takes time.

Tomorrow is Friday!!!! I'm overly excited for another great weekend. I get to spend some chill time with some of my closest friends this weekend. My friends from my middle school are some of the funniest people I've ever met. We don't even need to say anything to each other to get a crazy reaction. On the other side of that you know you're close with someone when silence isn't awkward and that's what we have. I love them so much and I am so grateful to still have them in my life!

Truly, all I can do is be grateful for everything I have in my life. I try to show my gratitude every day to the world by smiling at everyone, strangers and friends alike, other little things like that, because people don't realize how much the small things count. Realistically though, I get moody and wear my heart on my sleeve so often that you wouldn't even know how much I truly love life. Oh well, just another thing I'll have to work on I guess!